Loose Ends
by NinjaDanceOff
Summary: Lily Evans- shy and cynical. James Potter- determined, and somewhat of a bullying toerag. Follow the two through their N.E.W.T year, through the drama, the lies, the temptation, and the fights. Will Lily's life threatening secret stand in the way of love?


First chapter. Please tell me what you all think in reviews.

I actually wrote this a really long time ago, I just never thought it would be good enough to post. But I was looking through my documents the other day and I found it. I added some stuff and took some off, so I hope it turned out all right. Critics are welcome, Id rather you leave a long bad review than a short good one.

:) thank you.

Also, I would like to warn you all that this does have some pretty triggering events. I wrote a lot of this during a pretty rough spot a few months ago.. yeah.

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**Thursday, November 17th, 1977- N.E.W.T. Level Transfiguration- Hogwarts Castle**

_It can't be. It's just a scratch._

She stared at the scratch on the boy's otherwise flawless tan skin, eyes appraising the contours of the thin red line. Upon closer inspection, she detected small bubbles of dried blood running along the cut. It was one, maybe to days old, judging by the faded pink surrounding it. It might have been infected.

_Of course, just a scratch,_ She reassured herself_. Bloody Potter. He would never do something like that. He probably got it from Quidditch. That would make sense. I'm sure he has some heroic story he's been spreading around the castle, making the girl's swoon. Of course it wasn't self made. Thats preposterous. _

James Potter caught her unyeilding gaze and an arrogant smile plastered itself on his face. "Liking what you see, Evans?" He mouthed, mistaking her horrified looks for an appraising stare. He winked obnoxiously at the red- headed girl that had been his obsession for so long now. He stared her up and down. She had been checking him out, he mused. He knew it, Lily Evans must really have liked him!

_I hope he fell off his broom._

His friend, Sirius, noticed that his attention had been attracted elsewhere. Smirking mischeiviously, Sirius pointed from her to Potter. Then he made a crude gesture with his hand. Lily scowled, but James laughed loudly.

_Just proves my point. He's too.. happy Too loud. Too... Potter. Loathesome git. Egotistical Moron. Stupid, troublesome Marauder..._

Lily Evans tried half- heartedly to concentrate on McGonnagall's rant about N.E.W.T's at the front of the class, but her mind kept running to that cut. It had been so straight. She could've sworn he.. but no. Potter was not the type to meddle in self- injury.

_Self- Injury is for the weak. For those who can't suck it up and face life like regular people. Freaks- people like you._

Lily gasped. There was a heavy weight on her chest. It was uncomfortable, almost smothering her. It got a little harder to breath. How long had it been there, lurking unnoticed? _Since the last time I cut, _she decided. But when was that? Monday? Tuesday? She could not remember, and that scared her. A dull buzzing noise filled her mind. It seemed to get louder as the minutes wore on, until the point where she could no longer hear the Professor's boring speech. In panic, she started rubbing her arms fiercly, relishing in the pain from her healing wounds. But she was not satisfied. She needed more.

"Professor McGonnagall?" Lily stood up as the Transfiguration teacher gave her a pointed look. "May I go to the hospital wing? I think I've fallen ill."

"Oh.. of course, if you feel that is necessary. Mr. Potter, will you accompany Ms. Evans to the hospital wing?" Lily's heart dropped to her toes. She hardly heard Potter's eager 'Yes, ma'am', already planning ways to escape from under his watchful eye.

_I could jinx him... no, too risky. Maybe I could say I was going to the library first, I bet he would never go in there... _She gathered her books and clumsily tipped them into her bag, eager to get out as soon as possible, and did not even look to see if he was following her as she strode through the door. It took a few seconds before his footfalls could be heard beside her. Lily decided that she even hated his footsteps: they were far too loud.

"EVANS. OI! What are you doing?" A tan hand reached out and grabbed her wrist. She flinched involuntarily as his nails dug into her scarred flesh, prying her arm from his touch.

"Walking."

"The Hospital Wing is the other way!" James said. He stared at her for a moment, eyebrows knotting in confusion. "You're ditching." He grinned widely. Lily tried to protest, but would have been as well off talking to the wall, all the good it did. "Ooooh. Little goodie Evans. Miss Lily I- Can't- Have- A- Single- E- Or- I'll- Crap- Myself _freakin' _Evans, Hogwart 's residential Nerd is skipping class. And here I was, thinking you were perfect." He smirked. "Well, with that ass, you still kinda are in my book. I mean, honestly- WAIT! Where are you going now?"

Lily had been quietly creeping away during his monologue.

"Away from you," She replied cooly. "Seriously, you're more annoying than television infomercials."

"What's a television?"

She ignored him and kept walking -this time considerably faster as to escape him- to the ladies lavatory. Her head was pounding by now. It felt as though it were splitting in half. Fortunately, his shouts were abruptly cut off once she closed the heavy wooden door on them. Several emotions filled her as she locked herself in the third stall from the left (no matter what bathroom she did it in, she always made sure she would get that stall. The ability to make that decision for herself made her feel more in control): excitement, adrenaline, guilt. Her pale hands were shaking as they dived into the depths of her bag, resurfacing moments later with a shiny piece of metal.

Its a new one, she noted as she gazed almost adoringly at her blade.

The world melted around her as she pressed the blade roughly onto her already scarred arm. Painfully slow, she dragged the corner of the metal piece across her wrist. Pinpricks of blood burst through her flesh, like roses popping up from the ground. She grinned in sick satisfaction as the living material seeped out of her skin. It was beautiful, in it's own, twisted way. She loved watching it drip, at the very least.

Lily took the blade again, forcing it into the same cut, and pulled, faster this time. Now she could, looking through her blood, see the inside of her skin. Her mind traveled briefly to a long forgotten Muggle X-ray machine, and she couldn't help but chuckle under her breathe. _I'm going insane._ Wonderful.

So she sat, waiting for the end of the blood flow. A minute passed, or maybe it was an hour? It didn't matter. Lily was perfectly content sitting there, waiting for it to stop. Once it did, she cleaned up the spillage and stored her weapon once more. She stood up; and, after pulling her cloak over her hands, walked out of the stall. James Potter was standing next to the sinks.

"What are you doing here?! This is a girl's bathroom. You're going to get caught, what were you thi-"

"This is Moaning Murtle's bathroom," He said, taking a step closer to her. "Now, out of all places, why did you come in here?"

"I really had to pee." A hint of red splattered across her cheeks. He smiled.

"Really now? Then why'd you sit on the floor? Why was your cloak still on?" His grin became more pronouce. Lily wanted to hex it off his face. "Did you soil yourself, Evans?"

"Leave me alone," She mumbled, staring at the wall behind him. "You shouldn't have been looking there anyway." Her slight indignation at his complete disregard for her privacy faltered at his unwavering couldn't look at his eyes, which were burning with curiosity and worry. Those would be replaced with disgust, if he found out. She could feel her pulse beneath her wound, which felt plastered onto her robe. _If he found out, it would be the end of her._

He chuckled. "My dear Evans, how could I ever leave you alone. Do you know how hot you are? I'll tell you what, go out with me. If you don't like it, then I'll never bother you again. I'll leave you alone if you go out with me, and don't immediately want to shag me." He laughed again. "Which I know you totally do. Heck, I wouldn't doubt it if Nearly- Headless Nick wanted to."

Fury built up inside of her, starting at her chest. She could feel it spread through her veins, through her limbs. A wand pointed straight at his face, in between the eyes. "Now listen here, Potter. I'm done taking your crap. You're a slimy, bullying toe rag. Get away from me, and never dare speak to me again. You got it?"

He grumbled a bit, then, surprisingly, complied. Just as she was leaving through the door, she heard his unmistakeable drawl.

"You know I'm not resting until I figure you out, Evans!" He yelled.

"Then I hope you enjoy disappointment, Potter."

* * *

**Saturday, November 26, 1977- Library**

Lily Evans was hidden behind a large stack of books in the emptiest, most secluded part of the library. Why, may you ask? Simple: James Potter was being even more annoying and persistent than usual. She had not even known that was possible until it had happened.

Ever since the scene at Murtle's Bathroom, he had not left her alone. He seemed to be around every corner, hiding behind every door, almost as if trying to catch her doing something wrong. It worried her almost as much as it irritated her. And that was a lot.

She constantly thought back to that day. _Had he seen it?_ She wondered.

_How could he, you're robes covered over your hands._ She tried to comfort herself.

_Yes, but when you whipped your wand at him. Maybe there was blood on your hand?_

_I cleaned it all up._

_What if he could see through your sleeve?!_

_Now you're just being ridiculous._

_I'm ridiculous, you're the one having an argument with yourself..._

Lily groaned loudly, slamming her head against the book Understanding The Animagus. McGonnagall had assigned them a particularly brutal 2 and a half foot paper on the process of becoming an Animagus, and she wanted to finish it as early as possible.

"Need help Evans?" Came a sly voice from behind her. She jolted, almost falling off her chair.

"What the bloody hell was that for, Potter?" She whisper- yelled, clutching her erratically beating heart.

"Just trying to be friendly is all." He grinned at her, pulling a seat out for himself and shamelessly draping his arm around the back of her chair. "So, do you need any help?" She sighed. Though top of her class, she seemed to always struggle with Transfiguration. That was Potter's best subject- He even had higher marks!

"Have you even done the essay for yourself?" Her voice sounded harsh, even she could tell. It made her feel a bit guilty.

To Lily's surprise, he brandished a long scroll and waved it under her nose. "Got it right here, Lily-bean." He chuckled softly, as if enjoying his own personal joke. "I'm actually quite knowledgeable in this subject." He leaned in towards her and wagged his eye-brows. "Its not the only thing I'm knowledgeable of, either. If you understand what I mean."

Lily felt her frustration rising, as it did so often with Potter around. She plastered a smirk onto her lips and inched closer to him, stopping inches away from his ear. "Oh, yeah?" She murmured. She felt him let out a shaky breathe. "I hope you're good with counter-jinxes, as well. **Melofors****." **Her wand jabbed him in the ribs. Before James even had time to blink in surprise, his head had swollen to twice its regular size (which Lily thought was big enough to begin with), and was turning an ever brighter shade of orange. Soon his head resembled a large pumpkin.

"Bye Potter." She said with an airy wave, quickly gathering her supplies and walking through the library doors before he could register what she had done to him. _Potter,_ she mentally sneered. _When will he ever stop his foolish games? I could NEVER imagine myself with that dim-wit. Shame I couldn't have gotten some Animagus information out of him though.. _And, subconsciously scratching her healing wounds, Lily Evans went to go find a different place to study.

* * *

"Bloody Hell," A shocked James whispered, starring fixedly at the spot Lily had been only moments before. He shakily raised one hand to touch his face, long fingers meeting the swollen skin. "I must look a bloody mess." He reached into his backpack and grabbed his Invisibility Cloak, pulling on the liquid- like material so that it covered his entire body. The jinx she had used did have a rather simple counter-jinx, but he could not preform it on himself. He would have to find Remus (Sirius would laugh himself mad) to fix it as soon as possible. _At least no one can see me, _He thought to himself. _What is Lily's problem anyway? She can't hate me that much. Or am I really that bad a person? No..._

_I WILL figure out Lily Evans, and I WILL go out with her. Even if it is the last thing I do._

_

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**AN. that spell I put up there by the way is a spell from the GoF video game. So I didn't make it up. Just thought you should all know ; D**_


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